Hello very much! How are you all? How’s Christmas been? (If you don’t celebrate Christmas, how was this past week?)
First and foremost, what did everyone get for Christmas? (Just as a pre-disclaimer: I am immensely grateful for everything; my family is incredibly privileged to be able to do this for me)
I’d say there are 3 things that take the cake for me:
Firstly, for Christmas, I had wished for a signed Ethel Cain vinyl. Somehow, by some force of nature, my parents were able to both find and afford one? It was sealed, which in and of itself made my cry. Making sure it was authentic was a big deal to me, especially considering I’ve seen groups online talk about how easy it is to fake her (Ethel’s) signature… This year, my love for Ethel really skyrocketed. It literally went from 0 to 100 in about 6 months, and I foresee being a big fan of hers for a long, long time.
Secondly, I GOT AN IPOD!!! I had been looking for one for forever, but obviously they’re all used, and because they’re popular now, they’re become INSANELY EXPENSIVE. I’m talking $100+ for iPods that have bulging batteries and are covered in scratches. I’ve had so much fun the past day figuring out the best way to format music and even putting my favourite movie on it (Dead Poets Society)! Luckily, I’m experienced with adding music to iPods (I have a 4th-gen iPod Shuffle), so it wasn’t too difficult to add to my new Classic. I’m really grateful because it's basically the latest, biggest storage version of all the iPods they ever made (it's a 7th gen 160 GB (late 2009))
Finally, from my brother, I got a Swiss Army knife. Now, to make this make sense, you need to know the backstory. When I was around 8, my parents had offered to get me a Swiss Army knife (just the mini one with a knife, a pair of scissors, and a nail file). At the time, Victorinox had offered a Limited Edition knife that had a geometric rainbow Macaw on one side, and a geometric rainbow on the other (its the Victorinox Guacamaya if you want to Google it). Naturally, as an 8-year-old girl, I picked the rainbow one (over all the boring other ones in the store). Fast forward to the spring of this year. I’m at a furniture shop with my parents, and I have my knife with me. (At the time I was knitting a sweater, and the scissors are small enough to carry, so that's why I had it with me). Naturally, I put them down somewhere, and I can’t remember where I put them, and its lost. I, at the time, didn’t know how hard to find it actually was, until I finally googled it and realised that it was a limited edition release from like 8 years ago… So little did I know, but somehow, my brother found a store that still had one and was able to secretly order it for me. Yes I was bawling my eyes out when I opened it. To me it wasn’t just the knife, but also the fact that he paid attention to me and put in effort to try and get a meaningful gift.
Apart from that, I got some smaller things like chocolate and clothes from my family. Overall, I’m really happy and grateful for everything, especially since I didn’t make it very easy to buy presents for me since I had practically nothing on my Christmas list…
I’ve noticed—particularly heavily this year—that i’ve got this incurable feelingof melancholy and almost lost-ness. It happens every year, but particularly this year. I’m sure you know the feeling. After Christmas, you’ve got this week-long period before the new year where all you do is eat chocolate or cheese and forget what day it is.
Its been hitting me very hard this year though. I think its the fact that I’m 16, and we just had a snowstorm. I don’t know if you can tell but I struggle terribly with accepting that time is always moving. I know most people my age can’t wait till they’re 18 and can go out and live, I’m not like that though. I’m desperate to stop time and keep things the way that they are. That’s why I think I hate this period of time. I hate it because we’re doing nothing and I’m wasting time.
Before anyone calls me out, I am fully aware that time is constantly moving, and no amount of begging or hoping can stop it. Its almost for the better, since it’s an unhealthy habit of mine (that being trying to stop something that I can’t). Naturally, I’m very bored. These past few days have been essentially shovel the snow that came down the night before, eat breakfast, wait till lunch, eat lunch, wait till dinner, eat dinner, go to bed. As of late, I’ve been binge-reading one of my favourite OAT fanfics (for anyone interested, its Harry Potter and the Welcome to the World of Grey).
Does anyone know what I should do? I’m open to suggestions, but I’m currently visiting my Grandparents so I don’t have everything that I do back home.
Alrighty, I know this is a little short, but I kinda can’t keep my eyes open rn, and I sorta don’t want to prolong posting this any longer.
As always, eat something, drink water, go get some sleep, and finally, make sure to love and take care of yourself!! I’m always open to criticism or discussion, so feel free to question me.
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