Senior Superiority & A Massive Ego

Hey, its been a while. I told myself I would keep updating this but alas, its been like almost 3 weeks…. sorry about that. Finally, all my summatives are done and I’m free!!! Well not really, but if you squint your eyes and but a blindfold on, I’m free.

I also haven’t written because I just ran out of ideas? When I first made my blog I had soooo many ideas, now though? I guess i’ve just been going about life and picking up blog ideas when I come by them.

Which is how I arrived here.

I don’t exactly know how to explain this… I guess the best way would be: senior superiority & a massive ego

The only way to explain this is to explain the story. Let me set the scene:

    At my school, I honestly don’t have that many friends. However, recently i’ve been hanging out with a group of older students (the year above me ( the last year/seniors)). Before that I didn’t know any of them personally, but one of them is the sister of my friend (lets call her Abigail), so that’s how I got introduced. In the beginning, they were really nice and welcoming to me. They also let me stay in the room they use during lunch. For context, this room is actually a music classroom, but because they’re HL music students and Y13s, they’re allowed to use the room during lunchtimes without a teacher. Beginning of this week (start of December)Abigail told me that because school was picking up, that essentially we were kicked out indefinitely.

This isn’t inherently an issue, however, it’s important to explain who these Y13’s are and what they’re like. This group consists of 4 and sometimes 5 people. They are not popular in any regard. A different friend of mine in Y13 calls them the “social rejects”, which however mean it is, its honestly true. This group of friends are the theatre kids, autistics, Queers, and just weird kids. Not to say those things are wrong—many of my friends are some of those—but I think you get the picture. It’s also important to mention that these people (except like 1) are TERRIBLE at school. Now I understand that everyone struggles with different things, and its completely understandable to be bad at something (especially considering all of them are neurodivergent), however it’s also important to mention that they don’t clearly use time in the school day but outside of class hours to work on school either.

My whole point here is: I felt they were trying to get rid of me under the guise of senior superiority and a huge ego.

Let me explain. From my point of view, I just got told from a bunch of frankly, stupid people that because of how stressful and how much time they’d need, I officially couldn’t use that room anymore. I’m sorry if that doesn’t make sense; I literally can’t explain it any other way.

Now this wasn’t the first time that I got this weird vibe from these people, especially from Abigail. It felt very much like a: ‘We’re Seniors and our lives are so hard so like you guys can’t sit with us anymore’. This isn’t exactly *wrong—*The IB program is known infamously for being incredibly hard and taxing. It just felt like the wrong messenger.

I struggle a lot with anxiety, especially in school, so I thought they’d be supportive and understanding. I stand corrected. Instead of being understanding, they got mad when I eventually got good grades from these tests I cried over. What was almost worse, was they never shut up about how their lives were so much harder, and I’ve got it so easy. “You need to get your Anxiety in check, because—there’s no easy way to say this—this is the easiest you’ll ever have it” is what they’d say to me.

This is where I got the idea of “Senior Superiority”. It was this idea of them treating me like younger and lesser than themselves, bossing us around, and by invalidating my very real feelings. In reality, I’m less than a year younger than them, yet they were treating me like an annoying, whiney child.

I will admit, maybe I made nothing into something here, I just hope you can understand where I’m coming from, and don’t just think I’m a crazy lunatic… I understood what they were trying to say, it just felt like the wrong messenger at the wrong time. It’s been a week so far sitting without them, and honestly its alright. I wasn’t emotionally bonded to any of them, so it wasn’t to hard to just go sit with someone else.

It did make me realize how oblivious some people can be about the causes of their problems. I don’t want to pretend like I’m perfect, yet it amazes me sometimes how oblivious people can be to their own selves. I know full well that this group of people go back and forth about why nobody includes them, or why they don’t really have any other friends. The piece missing though, is that they’re ignorant to the fact that they’re pushed away someone willing to be their friend, simply because of a massive ego or something. They were dying so bad to tell me about how hard their life was and how easy I have it, that they officially pushed away yet another person.

Like I said, I’m pretty sure I made nothing into something, but i’d love your input on anything! Its pretty late now so as always, take care of yourself, drink some water, have a snack, and be nice to yourself. Till next time!