Track 1
Family Tree (Intro)
(tw. Generational trauma)
We are introduced to the main character Ethel Lenora Cain. Her parents are Joseph and Vera and she lives in the small town Shady Grove. She has two religious tattoos on her forehead - the names Ashmedai and Gabriel. The location is significant - the Biblical Cain has a mark placed on his forehead by god. Ashmedai is a Hebrew variation of the name Asmodeus - a prince of hell (oftentimes associated with a swarm of flies). Gabriel is one of the four archangels who is tasked with announcing God’s will to men (a parallel to what Ethel’s father did on earth).
She has a best friend named Jeanie, who there wasn’t room for on the album.
The sample of the sermon from the beginning is taken from the sermon that was given at Hayden’s Great Grandmother’s funeral in real life.
These crosses all over my body
Remind me of who I used to be
These lines reference the religious environment Ethel lived in and was raised in. She used to be an extremely religious person, but not anymore.
And Christ forgive these bones I'm hiding
From no one successfully
[Verse 2]
Jesus can always reject his father
But he cannot escape his mother's blood
He'll scream and try to wash it off of his fingers
But he'll never escape what he's made up of
Mother Mary was famously a virgin when she had Jesus. Ethel is using his to show her view on intergenerational trauma. Jesus can reject his father's side, but as he has his mother's genes, he cannot escape that part of him; he will always have his mother with him. These lines also refer to unlike Jesus, Ethel cannot escape her father, she will always be known as the “preacher's daughter”, even after his death - She is unable to escape God.
Jesus cannot escape his mother's lack of divinity, reinstating that he is a mortal man despite being the son of God. Ethel, like Jesus, cannot escape her mother's side and her lack of divinity. Her own mortality is in the hands of God.
[Chorus]
The fate's already fucked me sideways
Swinging by my neck from the family tree
He'll laugh and say, "You know I raised you bеtter than this"
Then leave me hanging so they all can laugh at me.
If we take the hanging literally, this could mean Ethel actually committed or was tried as a witch and hanged, when someone does something that's considered immoral in the community (Sex out of wedlock, disobedience, drugs, suicide), people gossip.
After Ethel’s death, her father denies his parenting had anything to do with how she turned out, and everything traumatic that happened to her happened because of her own decisions - because of this members of Cain’s community believe this because her father is a Preacher, he is a man of God that cant do no wrong. Ethel’s father insists, “he raised her better than this”, which helps him avoid all responsibility for her.
Track 2
American Teenager
(tw. Death, war)
[Verse 1]
Grew up under yellow light on the street
Putting too much faith in the make-believe
And another high school football team
Ethel lives in Shady Grove, a small southern Baptist town in Alabama. As a kid, Ethel is sheltered in yellow street lights, too young to realise the hypocrisy and weakness of her community.
Shady Grove is an insanely religious town. Since birth, Ethel is taught to put her life into Christianity and God, being told her life is for the Church and Jesus Christ. She is thought to have learned to live her life like this from her father, Rev. Joseph Cain. Despite having such devotion growing up, now Ethel doesn't believe. Now looking back at her past with the church and her father, she realises she put too much trust in what she thought would be comfort was actually abuse and trauma.
High-school football is a staple of America, the American dream and small-town living.
The neighbor's brother came home in a box
But he wanted to go, so maybe it was his fault
Another red heart taken by the American dream
Ethel reflects on her neighbour's brother's death, a soldier who died overseas and whose body was sent back home. She suggests his fate was a result of his own decisions and was his own fault, as he joined the army at his own will. Ethel then emphasised with him and realised his choice was to fight for his home country, and made an honourable pursuit of the American Dream.
[Pre-Chorus]
And I feel it there
In the middle of the night
When the lights go out and I'm all alone again
[Chorus]
Say what you want, but say it like you mean it
With your fists for once, a long cold war
With your kids at the front
Neither outright aggression nor passive aggression are a healthy form of aggression, but as Ethel was taught this way, it's the only way she knows. She is exhausted by this “long, cold war” her dad created as a more tolerable alternative to healthy communication.
Just give it one more day, then you'rе done
Done
I do what I want, crying in the blеachers
And I said it was fun
I don't need anything from anyone, it's just not my year
But I'm all good out here
[Verse 2]
Sunday morning
This part was taken from Ethel Cain’s song “Sunday Morning” from her EP Inbred :3
Hands over my knees in a room full of faces
I'm sorry if I sound off, but I was probably wasted
And didn't feel so good
Head full of whiskey but I always deliver
After her father's passing, Ethel takes the job of leading the town's congregation every Sunday in an attempt to preserve his legacy. We later discover in “House In Nebraska '', Ethel is currently devastated that her lover Willoughby Tucker (a very important character for later) has recently left her, so she drinks to numb the pain. So she often comes to service drunk but still ‘Delivers’.
Jesus, if you're listening let me handle my liquor
And Jesus, if you're there, why do I feel alone in this room with you?
Despite the hardships she deals with in her religion, she still finds comfort in it. As we learn later in the album, she may have created an aversion due to the trauma she has experienced at the hands of her father. Hayden herself has stated she had trouble finding God;
“It never so much for me was about God. It was more for me about the way people were interacting with each other in the name of god. All of the personal drama was really weird. I was like, god does not even feel like he’s in here. I’m spiritual in my own way now, but Christian religion doesn’t really go further for me than just fodder for my artwork.”
[Pre-Chorus]
And I feel it there
In the middle of the night
When the lights go out
But I'm still standing here
[Chorus]
Say what you want, but say it like you mean it
With your fists for once, a long cold war
With your kids at the front
Just give it one more day, then you're done
Done
I do what I want, crying in the bleachers
And I said it was fun
I don't need anything from anyone
It's just not my year
But I'm all good out here
[Chorus]
Say what you want, but say it like you mean it
With your fist for once
A long cold war
With your kids at the front
Just give it one more day, then you're done
I do it for my daddy and I do it for Dale
I'm doing what I want and damn, I'm doing it well
For me, for me
For me, for me
At the end of the song, the tune is sampled from Don't Stop Believin’. Wow
From a fictional interview Ethel did with a local paper :
Since the passing of Rev. Joseph Cain, the community of Shady Grove has had a hole in its heart so big that you could lead a steer through it. Even as we approach an entire decade without him, a way to fill that hole still has yet to be found. All who met him would agree that one would be hard-pressed to find a better man, father, and preacher. Such a statement can be reflected truthfully in his only daughter, Ms. Ethel Lenora Cain. A bright-eyed and gentle girl, Ethel continues to uphold her father’s legacy through acts of servitude, as well as through their shared love of music and worship. Present every Sunday morning amongst the choir, she leads her late father’s congregation with heartwarming fervor. In remembrance of his life, Ethel will lead a special Sunday worship service on the 10th anniversary of his passing. Today, we sat down with her on her break at Packie’s Diner to chat about faith, family, and what she hopes the future looks like.
Silken Weinberg: Hi Ethel!
Ethel Cain: Hi! So nice to see you again, how are you?
I’m well, thank you! Was so nice running into you at the hanging of the greens, even if for a moment. You looked pretty busy.
[laughs]
Yeah, the holidays put Mama on edge so I was trying to help her out.
Ahh yes of course. Speaking of which, how is your mother?
Oh, she’s good I suppose. Recently she’s been leaning back hard into sewing. You know, typical mama. Anything to stay busy.
I know the feeling. Now, just to jump right into it, I wanted to give our readers a chance to get to know you a bit better! Everyone knows of you, of course, but we’d like to really know you. You’re more than just the preacher’s daughter!
[she laughs again]
I am?
Of course! Tell us, how was life growing up here in Shady Grove?
[she rubs her palms on her knees]
Well, it was the same for me as it was for everyone else, I’d imagine. Spent most of my time either at Shady Grove Baptist or playing in the field next to it. Lots of mosquito bites. Lots of cookouts.
The cookouts! Nobody threw a cookout like your daddy did. I wish they’d start doing them again.
Yeah, me too.
So what about nowadays? What do you like to do for fun?
Well, I’m still pretty busy with church. Ever since Mrs. Cherry died, the choir has been a lot less... structured, I’ll say that. Between that, my shifts at Packie’s, and my chores and whatnot at home, I don’t really have time for much else.
That’s a shame! You’re young, you should get out some this summer! I hear it’s gonna be a hot one.
I heard that too. I’m sure I’ll find myself at the river at some point.
What about your love life? Anyone special come into the picture lately?
Not exactly.
What about Willoughby Tucker? I know you two seemed pretty close before he moved away, have you kept in contact at all?
I don’t really wanna talk about him.
Well, tell him I said hi if you run into him again, we miss him in church!
Will do.
Now, I wanted to touch on your father a little bit. We all knew him, loved him, but you obviously had a much closer relationship with him than any of us. Can you tell us a little bit about what he was like at home, out of the suit?
[laughs]
Out of his civvies? He was a good man. He wasn’t perfect but I don’t think anyone could have come closer. Towards the end, he really gave it all to God. Spent long nights at the church preparing his sermons. I missed him those nights, and still do, but... he had a calling, and he only ever got closer and closer. When he did come home before I fell asleep, he’d never forget to check on me and pray with me before bed. He cared. I’m grateful.
Gosh, I’m tearing up! He really did love you, it was clear in everything he did. That fire really did take something irreplaceable. I like to think he’s watching over us all, even now!
Me too.
Do you have a fondest memory of him?
When I was 7, he took me out of town for the first time. We went north to the interstate and took a day trip to the lake. I remember stopping at a farmer’s stand where he bought me a big bag of walnuts. My dress was covered in shell bits when we got there, he had to shake me off after he pulled me out of the truck. He had a stranger take a polaroid of us by the water that day, see?
[she pulls a polaroid out of her wallet and shows me]
You were so adorable! And what a handsome man he was, my goodness!
You’re not the first person to say so.
Well, Ethel, I don’t wanna keep you too long but before I go, I just wanted to ask if you had any testimonies or words you wanted to share before we wrap this up?
Hmm, let me think...
[She stares up at the ceiling for a moment before answering.]
Don’t wait too long for an answer or a reason, whether it be from God or someone else. You just might wind up spending your whole life waiting.
Well said! You must get your wisdom from your daddy!
I sure hope so.
Ethel, thank you so much for your time. Looking forward to hearing you sing on Sunday.
Of course, thanks so much. See you then.
*NOTE: since this interview was conducted, we have been informed that Ethel Cain has been reported missing and last seen in Arlington, Texas.
Wheels, Wheels, Wheels by Sabrina Maxwell
Everyone had a different way of getting to and from school. The variety ranged from bikes, to scooters and buses, to cars. The most popular form of transportation was cars. When looking at the school parking lot, a big variety of trucks and cars were seen. Many students owned four wheel drives and low riders. Richard Hudson, a junior, owner of a black low rider stated, “The ladies love it.” Some students enjoyed simple cars and some chose to style in their sports cars. Michael Musgrove, a senior, owner of a 1990 Integra said his car got him where he was going in “style.”Those students who didn’t own a car, a scooter or a bike, were transported to school by bus.
Tanya Jackson, a senior, stated that riding the bus was, “All right by her.” Overall, the entire student body was involved with some form of transportation. Whether it be owning their own car or riding the bus. All in all, transportation was one “big wheel.” Senior Ethel Cain gets ready to leave for work in the parking lot after school.
Track 3
House In Nebraska
(tw. A really really sad song. Sex ? Drinking)
This song hits WAYYYY too close to home holy mother of God.
[Verse 1]
Labored breaths and bed sores
They have difficulty breathing because of sitting down for long amounts of time, depicting imagery of illness.
Sing it to me all day long
When the aching sound of silence
Used to be our favorite song
The two of them don't talk to each other often while listening to songs together. This also implies the sound of each other's silence brought them comfort, and they often basked in each other's feelings.
You and me against the world
You were my man and I your girl
We had nothing except each other
You were my whole world
“Everybody but his mama just calls him “Will”, though, as in “will do just about anything”. They were right; I can’t remember a time when that boy wasn’t getting his ass chewed out by his daddy but I was sweet on him for it. I’ve been sweet to him, long as I can remember.”
But then the day came
And you were up and gone
[Chorus]
And I still call home that house in Nebraska
“I saw Nebraska as the center of America, a wide open expanse, an open wheat field that just went on forever and ever. It was this empty place that I would imagine myself running away to someday, being completely alone with the love of my life forever. It’s heaven on earth—you’ll never be bothered again.”
Where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor
Where the world was empty
Save you and I
Where you came and I laughed, and you left, and I cried
Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours
In her ideal image of happiness she is somebody’s property, whether she is her father’s daughter or her partner's girlfriend.
[Verse 2]
These dirt roads are empty
The ones we paved ourselves
This creates an image of a ‘desired path’, which is where someone walks the same path, mostly on grass, and it erodes to create a pathway. This means Ethel and Willoughby walked to this house in Nebraska so many times that they paved their own path.
Your mama calls me sometimes
To see if I'm doing well
And I lie to her
And say that I'm doing fine
When really I'd kill myself
To hold you one more time
And it hurts to miss you
But it's worse to know
That I'm the reason
You won't come home
Ethel loves Willoughby so much, but can't do anything to bring him back, whether that be who she is or what she did, nothing will make him come back home.
[Chorus]
But I still call home that house in Nebraska
Where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor
(When I needed you, and I need you still)
Where the world was empty
Save you and I
Sometimes when you’re talking to someone you absolutely love, it feels like the world stops and it's only you and them.
Where you came and I laughed, and you left, and I cried
Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours
(So I died there under you, every night, all night)
[Verse 3]
You know, I still wait at the edge of town
Praying straight to God that maybe you’ll come back around
This phrasing may reference Bruce Springsteen’s song “Reason to Believe,” in which verse two details a woman waiting at the edge of a road for her lover to return to her. This song is from Springsteen’s album Nebraska, which shares not just geographic but thematic elements with Preacher’s Daughter.
I cry every day, and the bottles make it worse
This takes us back to American Teenager, where she drinks to feel better and drinks during her sermons at church.
'Cause you were the only one I was never scared to tell I hurt
Ethel was so connected to him she shared her most intimate thoughts and memories with him. He would never judge Ethel.
And I found photographs of our school, on the day we met
I thought that you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess
And you might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night
But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there, I just pray that you're all right
Ethel still has faith in God to ask him to keep Willoughby okay and safe. This line suggests naivety in Ethel.
[Outro]
And I feel so alone
And I feel so alone out here
I feel so alone
And I feel so alone out here
And I feel so alone without you
I'm so alone out here
I feel so alone, I feel so alone
I'm so alone out here without you, baby
(I'm alone)
(strangers single cover)
Track 4
Western Nights
(tw. Abuse. Drinking. sex. )
This track is about Ethel and her relationship with her new partner, Logan Phelps. Ethel sings about staying by his side at all times, devoted to him, no matter what. Due to the poverty of Shady Grove and the lack of opportunities, Logan has resorted to crime as a way to support himself and Ethel. Logan, though, is incredibly abusive towards Ethel, but Ethel finds herself hopelessly in love with him. Ethel ruminates on the difficult nature of their love as Logan’s crimes begin to escalate and she sees herself being drawin into a life of crime alongside him.
[Verse 1]
He's never looked more beautiful
On his Harley in the parking lot
Breaking in to the ATMs
Sleeping naked when it gets too hot
I watched him show his love through shades of black and blue
Starting fights at the bar across the street like you do
The neighbors beat on the walls while I'm face-first in the bed
They fuck.
Show me how much I mean to you, while I'm lying in these sheets undressed
Logan only seems to use Ethel for sex, whilst it feels like love, Ethel can only feel vulnerable with Logan if she uses her body.
[Pre-Chorus]
I'd hold the gun if you asked me to
But if you love me like you say you do
Would you ask me to
Despite being scared of the situations he gets in, Ethel is devoted to Logan; she willingly stays by his side at all times and she’d even get hurt or risk her life for him.
[Chorus]
Trouble's always gonna find you baby
But so will I
Crying only because I'm happy
She tries to justify her tears and sadness with life as her being ‘happy’ when in fact she's lost
Hold me across every state line
I'm never gonna leave you baby
Even if you lose what's left of your mind
Ethel is choosing to stay with Logan even if he's driven to madness; she chooses to stay in this abusive relationship as it's the only thing she has left and what she grew up thinking was love.
'Cause you know I'll be right there beside you
Riding through all these western nights
[Verse 2]
I haven't spoken to my daddy in a long, long time
During the events of this album, specifically this song, Ethel is 20. Joseph Cain died when she was 10.
I don't want him to worry, always wondering if I'm alright
But the neighborhood keeps getting smaller
All starved out when the money's paper thin
All that's left are your walls and you'll die there
I should have known that there's no getting in
[Chorus]
Trouble's always gonna find you baby
But so will I
Crying only because I'm happy
Hold me across every state line
I'm never gonna leave you baby
Even if you lose what's left of your mind
'Cause you know I'll still be right behind you
Riding through all these western nights
[Outro]
Through these western nights
Crying in the light of the TV static
I'll still be alright
Clinging onto you like some love blind addict
I'll be screaming your name
Past the gas stations, trailing down the interstate
Please don't love how I need you
Ethel is so deeply devoted to Logan that she hopes he doesn't use this to take advantage.
And know that one day, you and I could be ok
Btw, if this makes you feel better, Logan dies in a gun fight.
Track 5
Family Tree
(tw. Generational trauma. death. )
Since Cain reveals the lethal agency her persona wields, causing strife within a convoluted family network marked by violence on all fronts, the song exudes a slow-burning intensity. Ethel is forced to flee from the police after her lover Logan, was killed in a gun fight with them during a bank heist. When she learns a disturbing family secret, things worsen.
[Verse 1]
These crosses all over my body
Remind me of who I used to be
Give myself up to him in offering
Let him make a woman out of me
Both becoming a wife and having sex in traditional southern culture often marks womanhood. This corresponds to the chorus where he “wash all over her”, aka has sex with her after they get married at the chapel.
I'm just a child but I'm not above violence
Though in the last line we spoke about how she's a woman now, this line shows how she’s still naive and immature in nature.
My mama raised me better than that
Ethel learnt from her mother at an early age that violence is the superior mode of behaviour - this may allude to her mother being abusive towards her directly or Ethel witnessing her mother being abusive to others. This line also corresponds with the messages of intergenerational trauma and what it can do over the course of different generations, this is one of the key themes in the album, and alludes to the name of the song's title about the Cain’s family tree and how their trauma follows the women in the family.
When the preacher
talks, that man demands his silence
And daddy said shoot first then run and don't look back
[Chorus]
So take me down to the river and bathe me clean
Put me on the back of your white horse to ride
All the way to thе chapel, let you wash all over mе
Being bathed in a river in Cain’s religious background can mean being baptised or washing away sin. White horses are often pictured with a prince riding them. Logan was not a prince, but Ethel loved him and saw him in rose coloured glasses. This ‘prince’ imagery continues as this prince is taking her to the chapel.
[Verse 2]
I've killed before and I'll kill again
Take the noose off, wrap it tight around my hand
This goes back to the intro, “Swinging by my neck from the family tree”. Here, she's taking control of the situation. Undoing the noose and is now using it as a weapon.
They say heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned
This line is from an adapted quote originating in William Congreve’s 1697 play, The Mourning Bride. [Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman Scorn’d]. Ethel is a mourning bride at this point, as Logan was just gunned down after a robbery gone wrong. We rejoice.
And baby, hell don't scare me, I've been times before
Many of Ethel’s songs explore hellish experiences and traumas. Themes of substance abuse, violence, poverty, and incest are common in her music. I’ll talk about the incest part later if you need.
[Chorus]
So take me down to the river and bathe me clean
Put me on the back of your white horse to ride
All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me
[Bridge]
These crosses all over my body
Remind me of who I used to be
Let Christ forgive these bones I've been hiding
And the bones I'm about to leave
Her voice here makes me actually recoil
Track 6
After the events in the previous song, Ethel finally reveals to the listener the family secrets she’s been struggling with and why her current life is in such a bad state. Her father, Joseph Cin, began molesting her at age 9 and continued until his death. The song, elaborates on the conflict in the family, and Cain confesses that she fears how strongly she wants to be like the fatherly figures who harmed her. Ethel contemplating the conflicted emotions she had towards her father in light of the sexual assault she experienced from him as a child. She was extremely young throughout this assault as her father passed away when she was ten.
This song is genuinely soul-crushing.
This line highlights the abuse Ethel endured as a child in the hands of someone she trusted, maybe hiding her in leaves during and/or after the abuse took place. This can also paint a picture of childhood as playing in piles of leaves.
Since Ethel was abused so young, she felt she had to grow up too early. This could also go back to Family Tree and religious culture in general, as if you have sex, you are seen as a woman, and eighteen is the age where you legally reach adulthood.
This alludes to the town Ethel grew up in, Shady Grove, telling stories about how amazing Rev. Joe Cain was, before and after his passing. It's also possible he blackmailed Ethel into doing the same, it's a common tactic for abusers to make something so bad seem like it's something good, especially when they're so young.
Ethel expresses her distaste for this man who took advantage of her; she knows how it isn't fair that she got all this abuse and trauma and lives on with no justice, whereas her abuser gets to live on as a saint in the eyes of everyone else.
This seems to be a subtly deliberate manner of describing the transgender identity of Ethel Cain, which Hayden herself has endorsed. The protagonist herself is referred to as one of the "good guys," but she swiftly corrects herself by calling herself a "little girl."
Many sexual abuse victims also believe they are to blame for their misfortune and deserve it. The reason she describes herself as "poison in the water" may become clear in light of this. Many abuse victims commonly go back to their abusers because they are emotionally or financially dependent on them. The phrase "little girl who needs her daddy real bad" in the final paragraph most likely illustrates this.
Unfortunately, in this context, Joe was preying on Ethel as a child. Watching her lustfully instead of lovingly. Usually, birthday parties are supposed to be amazing memories for children where they get praise from their parents and friends, but for Ethel, her birthdays were when her father would prey upon her, watching her.
Ethel was too young to notice that this type of love wasn't correct; she mistook this type of love for wholesome. Learning that not everyone has your best interests in mind is a part of growing up, and in Ethel's case, her father was regrettably one of those people.
Despite knowing her he abused her, Ethel experiences a form of trauma bonding and admires her father and the man he was outside of his abuse.
According to RAINN, CSA can result in trauma to the genital area such as unexplained bleeding, bruising, or blood on the sheets, underwear, or other clothing. Ethel’s father abused her so often that these symptoms have become commonplace
It’s not unheard of that survivors of abuse will sometimes make excuses for their abusers and try to rationalise their behaviour as a defence mechanism. It is also not uncommon for abuse survivors to have the actions of their abusers justified to them by others. Though we’d like to believe that cases of SA and CSA are treated with the utmost seriousness, it is not at all uncommon for cases to be denied, ignored, and swept under the rug, especially if the abuser in question is in a position of authority, like a parent or guardian or the town preacher
She just wants to sleep. She doesn't want to be abused.
As a child, Ethel’s father would often visit her late at night, while she was trying to sleep, and inflict sexual abuse upon her.
Track 7
While on the run Ethel meets a third young man named Isaiah. He tells her that like her he is from a small town (in Florida rather than Ethel’s Alabama) and that he is traveling west to California and offers to let her ride with him. Also like Ethel, Isaiah’s father has passed away and his memory plays a big part in his life - most noticeably that he wishes to one day be in a relationship with someone who he will love as much as his father loved his mother. Ethel accepts his offer for a ride despite her cynical opinion of his quest for love out west. However, as the two of them travel together they begin to recognize their mutual attraction and upon reaching the coast begin a relationship.
The end of Act I.
Ethel was last seen in Arlington, Texas. Isaiah met Ethel ‘somewhere’ in Texas and hasn't been seen since.
The theme of generational trauma reappears throughout Preacher’s Daughter. Given what we’ve learned about Ethel’s father in “Hard Times” and her tumultuous relationship with Logan, as detailed in “Western Nights,” we start to understand how Ethel’s traumatic upbringing influences her future relationships, even after her father’s death.
They’re fuckin
They’ve finally reached California and are looking out to the ocean. Sometimes it can make you feel like you’re on the edge of the world.
Hayden’s Notes : Ethel is an unreliable narrator, like how her version of events in Thoroughfare is different than the events in the missing person poster and newspaper article about her. In the poster and article, Ethel is described as being kidnapped. In Thoroughfare, Ethel describes her meeting Isaiah as charming and that he offers her a ride.
Track 8
This song is inspired by The Gibson Girl, a feminine character created by Charles Dana Gibson in the late 19th and early 20th century United States as a personification of the ‘ideal feminine body’.
After Ethel and Isaiah arrive in California, he begins to pimp her out in the back of strip clubs and feed her drugs on the regular. Ethel begins to lose sense of reality.
[Chorus]
And take me down to the river and bathe me clean
Put me on the back of your white horse to ride
All the way to the chapel, let you wash all over me
Track 6
Hard Times
(tw. Incest. sa)
After the events in the previous song, Ethel finally reveals to the listener the family secrets she’s been struggling with and why her current life is in such a bad state. Her father, Joseph Cin, began molesting her at age 9 and continued until his death. The song, elaborates on the conflict in the family, and Cain confesses that she fears how strongly she wants to be like the fatherly figures who harmed her. Ethel contemplating the conflicted emotions she had towards her father in light of the sexual assault she experienced from him as a child. She was extremely young throughout this assault as her father passed away when she was ten.
This song is genuinely soul-crushing.
[Verse 1]
Hide me there
Under the leaves
This line highlights the abuse Ethel endured as a child in the hands of someone she trusted, maybe hiding her in leaves during and/or after the abuse took place. This can also paint a picture of childhood as playing in piles of leaves.
Nine going on eighteen
Since Ethel was abused so young, she felt she had to grow up too early. This could also go back to Family Tree and religious culture in general, as if you have sex, you are seen as a woman, and eighteen is the age where you legally reach adulthood.
Lay it on me
Tell me a story
About how it ends
Where you're still the good guy
This alludes to the town Ethel grew up in, Shady Grove, telling stories about how amazing Rev. Joe Cain was, before and after his passing. It's also possible he blackmailed Ethel into doing the same, it's a common tactic for abusers to make something so bad seem like it's something good, especially when they're so young.
I'll make pretend
'Cause I hate this story
Where happiness ends
And dies with you
Ethel expresses her distaste for this man who took advantage of her; she knows how it isn't fair that she got all this abuse and trauma and lives on with no justice, whereas her abuser gets to live on as a saint in the eyes of everyone else.
[Chorus]
I thought good guys get to be happy
I'm not happy
I am poison in the water and unhappy
This seems to be a subtly deliberate manner of describing the transgender identity of Ethel Cain, which Hayden herself has endorsed. The protagonist herself is referred to as one of the "good guys," but she swiftly corrects herself by calling herself a "little girl."
Many sexual abuse victims also believe they are to blame for their misfortune and deserve it. The reason she describes herself as "poison in the water" may become clear in light of this. Many abuse victims commonly go back to their abusers because they are emotionally or financially dependent on them. The phrase "little girl who needs her daddy real bad" in the final paragraph most likely illustrates this.
Little girl who needs her daddy real bad
[Verse 2]
In the corner
On my birthday
You watched me
Unfortunately, in this context, Joe was preying on Ethel as a child. Watching her lustfully instead of lovingly. Usually, birthday parties are supposed to be amazing memories for children where they get praise from their parents and friends, but for Ethel, her birthdays were when her father would prey upon her, watching her.
Dancing right there in the grass
I was too young
To noticе
That some types of love could bе bad
Ethel was too young to notice that this type of love wasn't correct; she mistook this type of love for wholesome. Learning that not everyone has your best interests in mind is a part of growing up, and in Ethel's case, her father was regrettably one of those people.
Praying I'd be like you
Doing all of the things that you do
And I still do
And that scares me
Despite knowing her he abused her, Ethel experiences a form of trauma bonding and admires her father and the man he was outside of his abuse.
[Outro]
I'm tired of you, still tied to me
(Bleeding whenever you want)
According to RAINN, CSA can result in trauma to the genital area such as unexplained bleeding, bruising, or blood on the sheets, underwear, or other clothing. Ethel’s father abused her so often that these symptoms have become commonplace
Too tired to move, too tired to leave
I'm tired of you, still tied to me
(It's just the way that you are)
It’s not unheard of that survivors of abuse will sometimes make excuses for their abusers and try to rationalise their behaviour as a defence mechanism. It is also not uncommon for abuse survivors to have the actions of their abusers justified to them by others. Though we’d like to believe that cases of SA and CSA are treated with the utmost seriousness, it is not at all uncommon for cases to be denied, ignored, and swept under the rug, especially if the abuser in question is in a position of authority, like a parent or guardian or the town preacher
I'm tired of you, too tired to leave
(I just wanna sleep)
I'm tired of you, still tied to me
(I just wanna sleep)
Too tired to move, too tired to leave
(I just wanna sleep)
I'm tired of you, still tied to me
(Please, can I sleep, can I sleep?)
I'm tired of you, too tired to leave
I'm tired of you, still tied to me
Too tired to move, too tired to leave
As a child, Ethel’s father would often visit her late at night, while she was trying to sleep, and inflict sexual abuse upon her.
Track 7
Thoroughfare
While on the run Ethel meets a third young man named Isaiah. He tells her that like her he is from a small town (in Florida rather than Ethel’s Alabama) and that he is traveling west to California and offers to let her ride with him. Also like Ethel, Isaiah’s father has passed away and his memory plays a big part in his life - most noticeably that he wishes to one day be in a relationship with someone who he will love as much as his father loved his mother. Ethel accepts his offer for a ride despite her cynical opinion of his quest for love out west. However, as the two of them travel together they begin to recognize their mutual attraction and upon reaching the coast begin a relationship.
The end of Act I.
[Verse 1]
You fell in love with America when you were twelve years old
And by seventeen, you knew you had to see it all
You loved your dad and the love he had for your mother, so
You had to get out and go chasin' its sweet call
[Verse 2]
I met you there in Texas somewhere on the thoroughfare
Ethel was last seen in Arlington, Texas. Isaiah met Ethel ‘somewhere’ in Texas and hasn't been seen since.
On the side of the road in some torn-up clothes with a pistol in my pocket
I didn't trust no one, but you said, "Baby, don't run, I'll take you anywhere"
So I hopped right in, outta luck to spend, and at least your truck beats walking
[Chorus]
And you said, "Hey, do you wanna see thе west with me?
'Cause lovе's out there and I can't leave it be"
And I said, "Honey, love's never meant much to me
But I'll come with you if you're sure it's what you need"
[Verse 3]
So we made off for California
To find your lover, drivin' day and night
And every small town diner
Saw our faces at least once or twice
But in these motel rooms
I started to see you differently, oh
'Cause for the first time since I was a child
I could see a man who wasn't angry
The theme of generational trauma reappears throughout Preacher’s Daughter. Given what we’ve learned about Ethel’s father in “Hard Times” and her tumultuous relationship with Logan, as detailed in “Western Nights,” we start to understand how Ethel’s traumatic upbringing influences her future relationships, even after her father’s death.
[Verse 4]
And he said, "It's been a long damn time since I left Florida
No one left to leave and no one left to love
But now that I met you, I finally know just where I'm headin'"
And we found heaven in time, where your western sunshine
Met my deep southern wet
And you got lost in it and yet you found yourself
Hard-pressed for air and sweatin'
They’re fuckin
[Chorus]
And you said, "Hey, do you wanna see the west with me?
(Do you wanna see the west with me?)
'Cause love's out there and I can't leave it be"
(I can't leave it, I can't leave it)
And I said, "Honey, love's never meant that much to me
(Nothing much)
But I'll come with you if you're sure it's what you need"
[Bridge]
And once we reached the coast, you said, "End of the line
We finally reached the edge after all this time
They’ve finally reached California and are looking out to the ocean. Sometimes it can make you feel like you’re on the edge of the world.
I didn't find my love, but I still made it this far without it"
And then you turned to me and stared into me deep
And said, "Well, maybe not 'cause look at what I've got
You might not be my love, but, baby, I doubt it"
[Chorus]
And you said, "Hey, do you wanna see the west with me?
'Cause love's out there and I can't leave it be"
(I can't leave it, I can't leave it)
And I said, "Honey, love's never meant that much to me
But I'll come with you if you're sure it's what you need"
[Outro]
'Cause in your pickup truck with all of your dumb luck is the only place I think I'd ever wanna be
[Tambourine- and scat-led jam session]
Hayden’s Notes : Ethel is an unreliable narrator, like how her version of events in Thoroughfare is different than the events in the missing person poster and newspaper article about her. In the poster and article, Ethel is described as being kidnapped. In Thoroughfare, Ethel describes her meeting Isaiah as charming and that he offers her a ride.
ACT TWO
Track 8
Gibson Girl
(tw. Drugs. sa.)
This song is inspired by The Gibson Girl, a feminine character created by Charles Dana Gibson in the late 19th and early 20th century United States as a personification of the ‘ideal feminine body’.
After Ethel and Isaiah arrive in California, he begins to pimp her out in the back of strip clubs and feed her drugs on the regular. Ethel begins to lose sense of reality.
[Verse 1]
You wanna love me right now
You wanna get alone with me
You wanna get my clothes off
And hurt me
You came alone to me
From however far away
Asking me to know how I know
You're all the same
[Pre-Chorus]
Black leather and dark glasses
Pouring another while I shake my ass
He's cold-blooded so it takes more time to bleed
Obsession with the money, addicted to the drugs
Says he's in love with my body, that's why he's fucking it up
And then he says to me
[Chorus]
"Baby, if it feels good
Then it can't be bad"
Ethel is being gaslit by Isaiah. He believes that if Ethel is enjoying this, then how can it be bad? Since sex is enjoyable and pleasurable, how can it be used as a bad thing? She should enjoy it.
Where I can be immoral
In a stranger's lap
What Ethel’s doing doesn’t just “feel good” because sex brings pleasure, but the pleasure also stems from the fact that Ethel can revel in the glory of doing something she’s not supposed to. By being "immoral", she rebels against the values that her father and her father’s community have instilled inside of her, which she’s longed to escape. She’s seeing the world beyond the narrow confines of her hometown, and she thinks that it “feels good”.
And if you want it good
Downright iconic
Something they all want
That only you can have
[Verse 2]
You wanna fuck me right now
You wanna see me on my knees
You wanna rip these clothes off
And hurt me
[Pre-Chorus]
And if you hate me
Please don't tell me
Just let the lights bleed
All over me
[Chorus]
If it feels good
Then it can't be bad
Where I can be immoral
In a stranger's lap
And if you want it good
Downright iconic
Then I would show you something
You can never have
[Instrumental Break]
And if it feels good
Then it can't be bad
Where I can be immoral
In a stranger's lap
And if you want it good
Downright iconic
Then I would show you something
You can never have
[Outro]
You wanna love me right now
You wanna love me right now
You wanna fuck me right now
You wanna—
You wanna love me right now
You wanna love me right now
You wanna fuck me, fuck me
You wanna love me, love me
You wanna—
(Gibson Girl Single Cover)
MADISON HERALD NEWSPAPER
Volume 38, Number 22 March 17, 1991
P.O. Box 999
Madison, Texas 77402-0999 GOD-LOVESYOU
PREACHER’S DAUGHTER GONE WILD
photo of Ethel Cain
found at The Red Velvet Swing
So-called “Gibson Girl” wanted in connection to a local prostitution ring. By Kelsey Gibson
Aldine, Texas - Following a raid at The Red Velvet Swing, a local gentlemen’s club, multiple persons are being questioned by police in regards to a secret prostitution ring that operated out of the business’ back rooms. Amongst the women reported to be involved is Ethel Lenora Cain (age 20) from Shady Grove, AL. Cain is currently wanted by the police for her suspected connection to the robbing of First National Bank in Montgomery, AL. Cain was reported to have been in a relationship with a man involved in the robbery, Logan Harvey Phelps (age 23). Phelps was pronounced dead at the scene after an altercation involving an officer. Phelps shot the officer in the shoulder with a 9mm handgun as he made his exit from the bank following the robbery, toting a duffel bank containing over $50,000 in cash. The officer then chased Phelps down the sidewalk and into an alleyway where Phelps’ vehicle was located. The officer shot Phelp’s twice in the back as he attempted to enter the driver’s side door. It was unclear to the officer whether Cain or someone else was driving the vehicle. The car was found abandoned on the southbound side of Route 87, less than 10 miles from Cain’s residence. The duffel bag was recovered from the floorboard; all $50,000 were accounted for. Cain’s mother reported her missing the prior evening. She had not released a statement. According to a local witness who wishes to remain anonymous, Cain was lodging at a local hostel with an unidentified man. The two were seen regularly coming and going at late hours. Cain appeared to be under the influence of an unknown substance, slurring her words and stumbling when she walked. Multiple residents of the hostel reported seeing the two engage in illicit behavior involving illegal substances. On the evening of March 15th, the pair were reported to have been engaged in a domestic dispute. Cain, allegedly acting on the influence of psychedelics, assaulted her partner, after which he knocked her unconscious and dragged her to his vehicle. The two were last seen in the old Winn-Dixie parking lot in Arlington, Texas.
Following an tip from an anonymous resident of the hostel, the police were lead to a now-closed gentlemen’s club on the south side of the city. Located in the back rooms of the establishment were various photos of Cain in compromising positions posted on the walls, allegedly used by her partner to advertise her for sexual services. After being questioned by police, multiple persons of the club reported seeing Cain stumbling around with various other men, presumably all who had paid to engage in intercourse with her, amongst “other things”. Allegedly, Cain was a “disgusting, filthy slut”. Well known in her hometown as the daughter of a beloved pastor, Cain “would do just about anything on her knees”. Allegedly an avid user of heroin and other various opioids, as well as a bottle of vodka, Cain spent long hours on her back in the dimly-lit, damp recesses of the disgusting cess pool of human depravity that, in all honesty, should have been closed shortly after opening. Without her father there to guide her, it’s obvious how eager she was to fall off the wagon and into a black hole of putrid fornication with anyone who would show her a scrap of attention. Apparently, it’s easier than one would think to give into total despair even when you supposedly have it all figured out. You’re a prominent member of this community. They all look up to you, consider you a role model, and this is how you repay them? This is what they get for all the kindness and support they extended to you after dear old dad burned to a crisp in that fire? Poor little preacher’s daughter. What a mess you’ve made of yourself. Police have put out a state-wide notice to be on the lookout for these two individuals. Upon her last appearance, Cain has long brown hair and green eyes. She is approximately 5 foot 8, and may act irrationally. Her partner is blonde with blue eyes and is approximately 6 foot 2. They were last seen traveling in a black Chevrolet pickup truck with a dent on the rear passenger bumper. It is unknown at this time whether they are armed but police advise the assumption that they may be dangerous.
Cicada Swarm Engulfs Small Town By Tommy-Lee Salt
August, Texas - A small town has been suffering the effects of a recently emerged brood species unique to August, underground for a longer period of time than the average species. The swarm covered cars, roads, and business fronts, prompting residents to rush between buildings and their vehicles. “It felt like the end of times.” reports Ferris Lancaster, owner of a feed store downtown. Local police officers wore protective beekeeping gear while aiding any residents who had imperative business outside. While cicadas are not capable of stinging or biting, it is easy to become overwhelmed by their numbers, as well as the deafening sound of the swarm. Some residents compared the phenomenon to a biblical plague. Commonly, cicada emergencies only last a short time before they crawl upwards onto trees and other surfaces to molt. There is no report at this time as to whether or not the swarm shows any signs of subsiding.
this is that girl they were talking about. have jennifer fax this to Shady Grove PD. ASAP
Track 8Ptolemaea
This is the song.
Ptolemea, named after Ptolemy, is a circle of Hell in which the traitorous reside. Maybe this is a reference to Ethel abandoning her family and faith — only to be met with a wrath far worse.
Under the influence of Isaiah’s drugs, Ethel begins to hallucinate. She confronts the darkness.
While hallucinating on drugs Ethel realizes Isaiah is, at last, revealing his true nature to her - that of a severely disturbed person affected with religious paranoia that has worsened due to drug abuse. He commits an act of violence upon her. In the aftermath, and under the influence of the drugs he has fed her, she hallucinates the words he says to her as either a demon appearing as Isaiah or Isaiah in the shape of Death personified.
The song was named after one of four concentric rings of the Ninth Circle of Hell as depicted in Dante’s Inferno, dedicated to those who betrayed their guests, which immediately struck a chord with Anhedönia. “I was immediately like, ‘That’s how it feels.’ When someone invites you in, brings you into their life, just to hurt you. I was scared of the demo the next day when I listened to it.”
I followed you in
I was with you there
I invited you in
Twice, I did
You love blood too much
But not like I do
Not like I do
Here, Isaiah is referring to Ethel’s devotion to Jesus Christ, a religious figure often associated with his blood. His blood is a prominent motif in Christianity. She has loved Jesus and his blood for her whole life. However, the phrase “too much” could refer to how, even though she devoted everything in her life to Jesus, he never came around for her and left her to die at the hands of Isaiah. Her overbearing love for God was ultimately ignored, just as she was.
Isaiah then compares the blood of his victims, personified through Ethel, to the blood of Jesus. This comparison displays how Isaiah holds Jesus and Ethel at the same level. Isaiah is not Christian; in fact, he is possibly a Satanist. In this regard, Isaiah loathes Jesus, wanting to slaughter him and everything he stands for. Ethel is his medium for these emotions. He longs for the feeling of pleasure he will gain through the shedding of Ethel’s blood, which he loves.
This is a possible explanation as to why he ends up murdering and cannibalising Ethel. Their juxtaposing love for blood divides them, creating hate between both them. However, Isaiah is much more physically and mentally capable when compared to Ethel, an abused and scared young woman in an unfamiliar environment.
Heard you, saw you, felt you, gave you
Need you, love you, love you, love you
Heard you, saw you, felt you, gave you
Need you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, saw you, love you, gave you
Love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, saw you, felt you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you, love you
(You’d do wеll to say yes to me)
Suffer doеs the wolf, crawling to thee
Promising a big fire, any fire
Saying I'm the one, he's gonna take me
I'm on fire, I'm on fire, I'm on fire
Suffering is nigh, drawing to me
Calling me the one, I'm the white light
Beautiful, finite
Even the iron still fears the rot
Even the toughest and hardest of things still fear the things that eat away at and ultimately destroy them.
Hiding from something I cannot stop
Referring to the threat of religion and how, because she is a preacher’s daughter she cannot escape her family and the associated religious guilt in the same way that “Jesus can always reject his father. But he cannot escape his mother’s blood”
Walking on shadows, I can't lead him back
Buckled on the floor when night comes along
Daddy's left and Mama won't come home
In the Preacher's Daughter storyline, Joseph and Vera Cain are Ethel’s parents. Joseph is the preacher, and Vera is the titular Preacher’s Wife of Cain’s upcoming album.
Ethel has decided to run away from home with Isaiah, and in her state of drug induced delusion she’s referring to Isaiah as her father, and he’s left her in the basement, and her confusion as to where her mother has gone proves to the listener that Ethel really is losing grip on her sense of reality. She does not know where she is and is looking for her parents when in reality, the only person who can save her is Isaiah, and he’s not going to do that.
You poor thing
Sweet, mourning lamb
There's nothing you can do
It's already been done
Biblically, Isaiah is a prophet who comes to redeem those of their sins. Ethel is a sacrifice, a proxy to atone. It is unclear whose sins Isaiah is alleviating through this perverse, divine punishment; however, his intentions become clear through this dizzying track, to not only us but Ethel too.
What fear a man like you brings upon (Show me your face)
A woman like me
Please don't look at me
I can see it in your eyes
He keeps looking at me
Tell me, what have you done
Stop, stop, stop, make it stop, stop
Make it stop
Make it stop, I've had enough
Stop, stop, stop, stop
After her final “stop,” Ethel’s voice is drowned out by a distorted version of her own voice. This could be an auditory metaphor, a sort of indication that Ethel’s fate is already decided. Her fight is nearly over, and she is succumbing to Isaiah’s abuse.
Stop, stop, stop, stop
I am the face of love's rage
I am the face of love's rage
Typically, hallucinations are a simulacrum of reality: untrue, unfaithful. But, ironically, these hallucinations, albeit hauntingly dark, provide a semblance of truth to Ethel: that her lover has betrayed her. The tides have turned at this point in the track: Ethel is no longer Ptolemy the Traitor, it’s Isaiah instead.
Blessed be the Daughters of Cain,
bound to suffering eternal through the sins of their fathers committed long before their conception
Suffering weaves itself into the family genealogy, in a dizzying, inbred, distorted way. Actions undone by fathers years ago fester into the future.
Blessed be their whore mothers
tired and angry, waiting with bated breath in a ferry that will never move again
Blessed be the children, each and every one, come to know their god through some senseless act of violence
Blessed be you, girl, promised to me by a man who can only feel hatred and contempt towards you
I am no good nor evil, simply I am, and I have come to take what is mine
I was there in the dark when you spilled your first blood
I am here now as you run from me still
Run then, child
You can't hide from me forever
This is death. Who comes to get everyone, the good and the bad. It was there when Ethel spilled up her first blood, a sign that her life was slipping away. Death says she can run, but she cannot hide, because death is inevitable.
Track 10August Underground
This track is an instrumental so no lyrics to look at.
The track is named after a famous pseudo-snuff film.
Ethel wastes away in the attic of an abandoned shack in the woods of northern California. As Isaiah reveals his truest nature, she accepts her fate and faces the end.
A note Isaiah leaves for his mother
Originally posted to Ethel’s Instagram but has since been deleted.
dear mama / i am sorry for what i did to her / but i did it for you / i love you mama / your son isaiah
Unconfirmed: This video is said to be originally conceived as a visualizer for the moments before Isaiah murders Ethel (or somewhere around that time frame) and then got scrapped, but I can’t find a source to confirm if this is something that Hayden herself said and then deleted (something she’s notorious for doing) or if it’s just fan lore.
Hayden’s Notes : The demo for Ptolemaea was called Sempervirens. Sempervirens is the scientific name for the redwood trees in northern California, where Isaiah trapped Ethel in the attic in the old shack. Before Sempervirens, the song was called Shenandoah, based off the disturbing vibe Hayden got while listening to the NoSleep podcast episode called A Ride Through Shenandoah.
Track 11
Televangelism
noun [ U ] religion
uk /ˌtel.ɪˈvæn.dʒə.lɪ.zəm/ us /ˌtel.ɪˈvæn.dʒə.lɪ.zəm/
(especially in the US) the activity of preaching (= giving religious speeches) on television in order to persuade people to become Christians and give money to religious organizations
Another instrumental.
Ethel is dying and she is ascending to heaven.
She is free.
Off off-key part at the end are Ethel’s synapses snapping as she's dying.
This song beautifully transitions to the next song,
Sun Bleached Flies.
Hayden’s Notes: “they’re all one song sort of. you’re kinda right, august underground is the physical action of her murder while televangelism is more of what’s happening in her head as she fades away. there’s actually more to televangelism that will be revealed later which i’m excited abt lol”
Track 12Sun Bleached Flies
In Heaven, Ethel makes peace with her death and reflects on her life, remembering the Sundays she spent in church, her family, and the man she never stopped loving, Willoughby. She also recalls the final moments of her death and her thoughts of how she might yet be saved before Isaiah ultimately murders her.
[Verse 1]
Sun bleached flies sitting in the windowsill
Waiting for the day they escape
They talk all about that money and how their babies are always changing while they're breathing in the poison of the paint
Ethel compares sun-bleached flies resting on a windowsill to a Christian Mother, waiting for a day when they are able to escape. Talking about their children while the children are being exposed to toxic behaviours described as poisonous paint.
What I wouldn't give to be in Church this Sunday
Listening to the choir, so heartfelt, all singing
Though Ethel resented the church, while in Heaven and away from home, she wishes to be back in the safety and comfort that being in church provided.
God loves you, but not enough to save you
So, baby girl, good luck taking care of yourself
This line is Ethel, from the afterlife, speaking to the listener, warning them not to repeat the mistakes of the past.
[Chorus]
So I said fine, 'cause that's how my daddy raised me
If they strike once then you just hit 'em twice as hard
But in the end, if I bend under the weight that they gave me
Then this heart would break and fall as twice as far
Ethel’s instinct in the face of danger or disrespect is to fight back, but she realises now that doing so would only repeat the cycle of abuse that she’s faced, and it would come back to bite her even harder.
[Verse 2]
We all know how it goes
The more it hurts, the less it shows
But I still feel like they all know, and that's why I can never go back home
Going back home would be admitting defeat. Ethel doesn’t want to go back to the life she lived; she has transcended the life she had and the community it was in. The shame she knows she would face is too much to face, so she would rather live in this hell she finds herself in
And I spend my life watching it go by from the sidelines
And God, I've tried, but I think it's about time I put up a fight
[Chorus]
But I don't mind 'cause that's how my daddy raised me (How my daddy raised me)
If they strike once, then you just hit 'em twice as hard
But I always knew that in the end, no one was coming to save me
So I just prayed, and I keep praying and praying and praying
Having been brought up in a Christian family and her father having been a deacon. Cain applies juxtaposition to the famous Luke 6:29, which states:
“And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.”
Cain continues to express her contradictions of organized religion by saying that she always knew that the promised Redeemer/Saviour was never going to come for he,r despite being taught so in her religion. So she just kept on praying in her disbelief.
[Bridge]
If it's meant to be, then it will be
So I met him there and told him I believe
Singing if it's meant to be then it'll be
I forgive it all as it comes back to me (Back to me)
Ethel lets go of the cycle of abuse she’s been through, and refuses to perpetuate it, deciding to forgive the ones who did her harm, so no one, including her, has to carry the weight of these traumas anymore.
If it's meant to be then it will be
So I met him there and told him I believe (I believe, yeah)
Singing if it's meant to be then it will be (Oh, oh)
I forgive it all as it comes back to me (It comes back to me)
If it's meant to be then it'll be (It'll be, it'll be, it'll be)
So I met him there and told him I believe (Yeah)
Singing if it's meant to be then it will be
The singing could be a reference to the church choirs, and the sentiment “if it’s meant to be then it will be” has feelings of faithfulness and hope. Perhaps Ethel has made peace with her faith.
I forgive it all as it comes back to me (Oh)
[Outro]
I'm still praying for that house in Nebraska
By the highway, out on the edge of town
Track 3 of the album, A House in Nebraska, tells the story of Ethel and Willoughby, two young lovers, who often visited an old abandoned house on the highway on the edge of their hometown, Shady Grove, Alabama. Tired of the mundanities of her life, Ethel would imagine the house was their own, somewhere in the faraway state of Nebraska. Willoughby leaves Shady Grove before the events of the album, but even in death, Ethel remembers the love she had for him and the hope she had for their future together.
Dancing with the windows open
I can't let go when something's broken
It's all I know and it's all I want now
Hayden’s Notes : “it’s just her struggling with that need for violence that she’s always relied on her whole life to protect herself and trying to let go of it in the end. the dancing with the windows open line is just actually a straightforward lyric about her in the afterlife dancing in that house she would always meet willoughby in where they would dance in front of the open window. “i can’t let go when something’s broken” is her referring to their relationship, and how even though she’s made her peace in life and moved on, he’ll always be the thing that was never going to work that she still wants”
Track 13
Strangers
An epilogue. Before finally ascending to heaven and leaving Earth behind, Ethel looks back at the house in California where she watches as Isaiah, having now fully descended into madness, cannibalizes and performs acts of necrophilia with her corpse, which he now keeps in a basement freezer. Her soul then visits her mother one last time before departing to heaven.
Hayden’s Notes: “idk if this makes sense but the sound of my window ac unit inspired that song . i was trying to capture the way it felt and smelled to have the window unit on full blast on a really hot day in june. i was also on a serial killer kick, i wrote strangers the same month i wrote vacancy.”
[Intro]
"God is telling you and I there is death, for all of us
But then we find that the scriptures also tell us that we have a great promise, that there is a better place for those who believe in the lord Jesus Christ"
According to Hayden in a Tumblr ask, this audio of a preacher’s sermon is sampled from the 1995 video recording of her great-grandmother’s funeral. A different sample from the same source appears at the beginning of Family Tree (Intro), the first track on the album.
[Verse 1]
In your basement, I grow cold
Thinking back to what I was always told
"Don't talk to strangers or you might fall in love"
Ethel, now dead, has no control over what has happened to her. Her body lies in his basement, left to regret falling in love because she simply has to believe that that is why she has ended up where she has. She blames herself for the things that have happened to her because people warned her not to talk to strangers.
Freezer bride, your sweet divine
Isaiah put Ethel in the freezer
You devour like smoked bovine hide
Foreshadowing future events in the song
How funny, I never considered myself tough
You're so handsome, walking over to me now
Isaiah is walking over to the body of Ethel, and her thoughts about him here are detached but show that she still loves him, despite what he did.
[Chorus]
I tried to be good
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
Ethel reflects on her past and says how she tried to be good in life, yet still met a gruesome and untimely death.
With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence
I just wanted to be yours
Can I be yours?
Can I be yours?
Just tell me I'm yours
If I'm turning in your stomach and I'm making you feel sick
Foreshadowing
[Post-Chorus]
Oh, no, no, no
No, no
No, no
[Verse 2]
When my mother sees me on the side
Of a milk carton in Winn-Dixie's dairy aisle
She'll cry and wait up for me
During the early 1990s, advertisements on milk cartons were often used to publicise cases of missing children. The printing of such ads rarely produced substantial leads, however, and the practice gradually declined.
Winn-Dixie is a popular supermarket chain in the South, and has several locations in Alabama, where Ethel’s mother lives. Because Isaiah is hiding the corpse in his basement, authorities believe that Ethel could still be alive and continue to search for her. Thus, despite her grief when seeing the milk carton, Ethel’s mother patiently waits with the hope that one day her daughter will come back home. Sadly, she’ll likely never learn what truly happened to Ethel.
Anhedönia’s real-life mother left the following comment when reacting to the song on YouTube:
“My sweet child, you know that this song has made me cry from the time you first wrote those lyrics and played them for me. 🥺
DO NOT ever make me have to see your face on a milk carton … even though you know that I rarely shop at W-D.”
We'll make love in your attic all night
Euphoric in some strange delight
I'm happier here 'cause he told me I should be, oh
You're so handsome when I'm all over your mouth
He’s eating her. Like cannibalising her.
(When I'm all over your mouth, when I'm all over your mouth)
[Chorus]
I tried to be good
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence
I just wanted to be yours
Can I be yours?
Can I be yours?
Just tell me I'm yours
If I'm turning in your stomach and I'm making you feel sick
Am I making you feel sick?
[Bridge]
Ah
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel sick?
Am I making you feel sick?
No
[Outro]
Found you just to tell you that I made it real far
And that I never blamed you for loving me the way that you did
This could be read as Ethel meeting her father in the afterlife. Interestingly, given the religious themes of the album, this could be either Heaven or Hell. Given her father’s abuse of Ethel and her innocence, it seems weird that he would be in Heaven or that she would be in Hell. It suggests that possibly everyone ends up in the same afterlife and that there is no Heaven or Hell, reinforcing the themes of blurred morals found throughout the album.
However, this could also be Ethel’s last words to her mother in a possible spiritual form. She wants to assure her mother that her circumstances and death are not her fault and that she loves her.
While you were torn apart
I would still wait with you there
Don't think about it too hard
Or you'll never sleep a wink at night again
Don't worry 'bout me and these green eyes
Mama, just know that I love you (I do)
And I'll see you when you get here
Ethel is looking down on her mother in the afterlife. Waiting to see her in Heaven, she consoles her, telling her it’s best to move on rather than dwell on her death.
Hayden’s notes : "Isaiah kills Ethel, then eats a piece of her before the police find him. He doesn’t eat her entire body. Isaiah isn’t a cannibal by nature, he just has a psychotic break and they have no money.
Isaiah planned on killing Ethel the entire time"
Additional Info
This album is the first in a planned trilogy about three generations of a family. Anhedönia calls it the Ethel Cain Cinematic Universe.
"The story centers around three generations of women, and it starts with the youngest, the daughter. It’s pretty much just a classic American tale. A common theme that I like to write about it intergenerational trauma. Things that have been passed down through generations and how your parents’ or your grandparents’ actions can affect you. It’s very much about this lineage of women and how all their lived interconnect. Each album focuses on a different woman. I want to explore how your actions affect others and the relationship between a mother and her child and how things come full circle.
Overall, it’s definitely a cautionary tale of what happens if you don’t break a cycle and you let it continue to almost a runious point. It’s what I see as a dark timeline of what would happen if everything hit its lowest point. So it’s very much bittersweet [and] like a melodrama. This first record is about this girl who is dealing with things from her past that her faamily has led her to being involved in and her trying to find a place in the world and break out of it. Its going to be a big epic centered around her.
……I’m also super neurotic about stuff — I actually just made a family ree for all the characters yesterday. I was plotting out the timelines and making sure all the ages matched up and everything. Before I starte making music, I wanted to write books and make films and tell stories. So I wanted to incorporate that into the music"
Source: Hayden in an interview with Alt Press
Ethel, like Hayden, is trans.
“I want some variation for the trans experience as depicted in trans art,” Anhedönia explains. “Ethel Cain the character is trans, but I didn’t make it a big part of the story because to me, being transgender is kind of boring. It’s like, ‘I have brown hair, I’m transgender’ — it’s very ‘whatever,’ you know? Ultimately, it’s not about the identity itself, it’s about the freedom to be whatever you are.”
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